Citizen Brand: The All Purpose Apology

Thanks to my friend, Professor David Guth of the KU Journalism School, for this public service. He has developed the much needed All Purpose Apology. This from his blog, Snapping Turtle.

The All-Purpose Apology

It sure seems like a lot of folks recently have found themselves making embarrassing public apologies for bad behavior. David Letterman has joined Kanye West, Serena Williams, Mark Sanford and Joe Wilson (half-heartedly) for trying to explain away inappropriate behavior. The so-called celebrity apology has become a cottage industry. Hardly a day goes by without a high-profile mea culpa. As a public relations practitioner specializing in crisis communications, I have realized that I am in a special position to perform a valuable public service. So, if you find yourself on the wrong side of bad publicity, please feel free to use the following all-purpose apology. Just pick-and-choose the options (in blue)that fit the particulars of your sticky situation:

"Recently, I did [something bad] with/to/for/from/at [someone I now wish I never met]. I was [wrong/stupid/misguided/drunk]. For that I apologize. I [promise/pledge/hope/pray] to never do that again. It is with the strength of [God/Allah,/Jehovah,/my shrink] that I will get through the difficult [days/months/weeks/litigation] ahead. There is really no reason to dwell on my [situation/misery/transcript/videotape/arrest report/paternity test]. As I move forward from this [incident/tragedy/conviction/divorce], I believe that I have become a better [man/woman/weasel/inmate]. I hope the public and the media will [respect my family's privacy/burn in hell for tormenting me/will suffer collective amnesia]. Thank you for [understanding/nothing]." And if you use my all-purpose apology, let me know how that works for you! You can [thank/pay] me later.